I went camping for the first time in ten years. I’m pretty sure I know why I waited so long to do that again. I had all kinds of adventures so I think you should know the lessons I learned about camping:
1. When you pack everything but the kitchen sink, don’t forget the tent. We had to go home and get it. Luckily we were only camping about three miles from where we live.
2. You are saying, “That’s not really camping!!” and while I would beg to differ, there are some slight differences from being in B.F.E. (Do you want me to tell you what that one means? Okay, it’s Butt, the-f-word, and Egypt)
3. Know how to put up the tent once you’ve retrieved it from the dark corners of your garage. P.S., Mr. Krap-I-Kreate, it’s okay to read the directions (after you find them of course).
4. Don’t put up the tent in 110 degree weather. It wasn’t that hot, but it felt like it. When the metal poles of the tent get hot from laying on the ground, it’s a bit on the toasty side, no?
5. Tell the wife, “we are going to take a break.” So she does. And you remain putting up the tent. (I liked this one!).
6. S’mores are good. Oh how I love those things. No ingredients were forgotten because I didn’t have to bring them! Good thing, right?
7. When you announce, “HEY! Our camp site is located next to the bathroom! It has flushing toilets!! Woo woo!!” Don’t get too excited. When that toilet flushes every 15 minutes throughout the night and sounds like a rocket launching, it isn’t such a good thing anymore.
8. When you lay down to go to sleep, be prepared for a thousand adolescent girls to descend on the bathroom and make lots of noise.
9. When you camp in an area that is the middle of a big city, be prepared to hear the crickets and all that good nature stuff. Also be prepared to hear the Walmart truck going down the hill part of the freeway that is about a mile from where you lay your head. Have you heard a semi when it is braking? It sounds like a rocket launching.
10. I’ve never heard an actual rocket launch, except for on TV.
11. Ask boy child, “Where is your sleeping bag?” BEFORE you leave the house, not fifteen minutes before you want to go to sleep. He will reply, “I didn’t bring one.” You will say, “What were you planning to sleep with?” He will reply, “Yours.” So, it was me sandwiched between boy child and Mr. Krap-I-Kreate on a blow up mattress that said it was Queen sized on the box. Somehow I don’t think it was.
12. If you decide to go on a short hike, be prepared for the following:
a. if a man is in charge, you might take the wrong path and end up twenty miles away from your camp site (don’t forget I exaggerate)
b. if you wear flip flops, your toes will have sticks, rocks and a layer of dirt that resembles a great sun tan from far away.
c. if you happen to end up two feet away from a pissed off rattle snake, flip flops are not the shoes you want to be wearing during that encounter. Trust me on this. He shook his rattler at us and I stood there frozen, too scared to move. And the weird part was I wanted to see what the mofo looked like. I could hear him, but didn’t see him until he slithered away. I can do without that experience again.
I took a ton of pictures, but am too tired to process them tonight. So that will be another day.
I got home and went in the pool. I’m scared there will be a ring around the pool edge from my 24 hours of dirt and grime. I think I lost three pounds just in dirt.
After I got over bowing down to electricity and all of its wonderfulness, I made a card. Lettering Delights has a couple of Mahalo sets you can purchase during checkout, so be prepared for lots of goodness from that. I made a simple print and cut card: